her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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