i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
