she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
