I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
