He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well most of my day revolves around power hour
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
