the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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