I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
