Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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