So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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