Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
