I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize