i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize