I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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