im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
