I could make wine with my vomit
home. puking in laundry basket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
