no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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