Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
