so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
