you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
