I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
