google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
