If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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