You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
