tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
