doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
