Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
