I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
