ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
