just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
