I think I died a long time ago.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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