He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize