I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
