found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
