It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
