that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
