she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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