Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
