So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
