Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
