I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
