so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
