If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
