remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
