we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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