in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
