Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You ruined the universe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
