Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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