Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
