Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize