I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
