ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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