i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize