You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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