I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
