God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
