go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
