sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
