I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
