Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
