who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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