you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
