I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
