We won't sleep together?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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