I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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