PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
