I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
