And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
